As a widow, one of the things I craved most after people assumed things were “back to normal” was the simple kindness of asking me how I was today? Did I need any affirmation? Clarity? Support? Understanding? If someone would have taken the time to have asked those simple questions, which are very deep, my mind could have been cleansed of its misconceptions. After all the hot meals had been delivered to the house, flowers and cards sent, memorial services attended, etc., people had moved on with their lives. I, however, had not moved on. In fact, truth be told it was all just beginning to stare me directly in the face, the fact that I was now alone, save for my wonderful son. We were alone. We could feel it at the dinner table, the empty spot where father and husband sat most evenings. We could feel it as the first holidays approached, Thanksgiving and then Christmas. It was terrible, we were alone and suffering in the depths of depression. No one wanted to ask the simple, but deep questions of either of us, thinking perhaps they would make us cry, or it would be uncomfortable to listen to us grieve. We needed just that, to be able to cry, to be able to share exactly how we were feeling in that moment. Grief is such a difficult thing to process, one day you go to bed with a mate, the next you wake up and rush him to the hospital and he does not make it. You step out into the sunshine, but inside your heart you are completely shriveled up and aching. No one really wants to know these things, and if they did it might signify they too would some day have to face such feelings. All of us will in this life, for to be born means we all must die as it is the cycle of the universe. The next time someone looses a mate, a child, a parent, ask them the simple and direct questions that allow for them to heal and you in turn will have given compassion and love, which also makes the world go round.
The tragedy of life is not the ends so soon, it is that we wait so long to begin it! Begin today with simplicity!