My heart is filled with gratitude and I am thankful for all the love of family, friends and strangers that supply my heart with this great joy each and every day.
There are days, however, when it is tough to feel so open to love, and yesterday was one of those days. In fact, when I think about it the date of yesterday always triggers big emotional responses inside of my soul, like the would have, should have, could haves, ‘woe is me’ type of feelings. It was my birthday! Sitting here today, I wonder if others go through such emotional upheaval on their birthdays, or is it just me? It’s all a practice each and every day, but some moments it slips away (precisely why I am as yet not fully enlightened) and I step down into the dark cave of ugly. I hate (yes, mom I am using the word hate) my life, that I am alone, I am barely getting by financially, that my only child is far away at college, I hate that I am getting older, on and on I spin into the void of darkness. We all know better, and I especially know better than to allow myself to step into that abyss, but I do it! Then, miraculously I climb back up, peer over the edge and am perhaps even more aware of the joy and beauty that surrounds us all! The sun is shinning, and the world is still intact, my child is starting his junior year of college today, my parents are alive and relatively healthy, and I have many wonderful, loving friends. Life is perfect as it is in this very moment. I will leave behind the darkness of those few moments I experienced yesterday and begin again right where I am.
These are the lessons that come to us from all the great masters, and it is important not to judge yourself and to simply grow from the experience, and in fact love yourself even a little bit more because you allowed yourself to go to the deepest depths of your soul and acknowledge any concerns sitting inside of you, as yet perhaps unfulfilled or never acknowledged. Today I am happy! Today is a blessing all unto itself, and I will not judge myself for feeling just a tad sorry about my life yesterday. I will strive to make it better, or to at least accept it for where it stands in this moment. Let me know if you too get the birthday blues, and what you do to bring yourself to another awareness!
“The most difficult times are the ones we give ourselves.” ~ Pema Chodron