Voice

On a walk with my sweet dog this first chilly overcast fall morning, I came across some people walking their dog.  Of course, our dogs wanted to meet and greet one another and they did.  As they were having their dog speak, we humans began to talk.  I noticed the man wore a Michigan sweatshirt (as in the university), and so I asked if he was a fan.  He said he was, that in fact he was from there.  I said, so am I!  I then went on to babble that my son was accepted there and accepted them as well, but later changed his mind.  He said he had two nephews who were at Michigan right now.  I told him how my family was disappointed he did not attend, but that when we put it to paper it was expensive, as in around $200,000 for out-of-state tuition, and so he went to Minnesota instead, to which the guy said good school.  I responded by saying he is in the Carlson School of Management.  Really and honestly, I said these things.  As soon as they left, (the man and his quiet wife . . .who could talk around me) I thought to myself who cares where your son is going to school, and even further why did you have to add he is at Carlson, who honestly cares!  It was if I had to prove that my son and therefore I were not total failures in life, not going to Michigan apparently being equated with being a failure, and that while he was at the lesser academically ranked school, Minnesota, he was in Carlson, a darn good business school.  Why did I feel the need to say these things?  Why am I still focusing on them is a better question?  I am working to become more enlightened, to listen and to not always talk, certainly not to over share.  This is difficult for me as I live alone; I have only my dog to hear me.  It is getting dangerous when I am finding total strangers to blurt out my story to while standing on the street with dogs sniffing one another.  What has gone wrong with my mind!  This is the story of my life, over and over again.  I share too much, no one really cares and I ultimately get hurt.  I know better.  I have read a hundred or more self-help books, undergone counseling, psychotherapy, past life regression, crystal healing, massage, cranial sacral therapy, and on and on.  What for the life of me causes me to be so careless with my words?  I think it is called the human condition!  I will once again brush myself off, forgive myself my trespasses as I forgive others (wonderful words in the Lord’s Prayer) and start again right where I stand.  The next time I meet someone I will attempt to ask more, listen more and only share when asked, not be the dreaded over sharer everyone runs from.  These are the things that have gotten me mixed up with people who do not care about my feelings, mixed up with self-fulfilling narcissists and more.  I will hold my voice and listen so that I might hear the Earth better no matter where I am standing be it a busy street with dogs sniffing butts or in a tranquil meadow.  It is up to me, it is my divine free will to be able to hold space and to listen.   Do any of you have these same issues creep up, be it over sharing or perhaps not speaking at all?  I hope I have made you laugh today if nothing else.  These are the places my mind goes, from the sublime to the absurd.  Namaste.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein

About Wildflower Women

Welcome to my site. I am writing to give people inspiration to hold their voices, especially as concerns the grieving process. My hope is that everyone finds a little inspiration from my site. We are all a work in progress! Namaste.
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4 Responses to Voice

  1. Dear Wildflower …I thought I was reading about myself! I, however, do NOT think you should be so hard on yourself! Because then I would have to be equally hard on me! We, if I may be so bold to say, are seekers of truth and light…we like to engage in conversation to deepen our connections with others…and to deepen our personal understanding of life. We enjoy others! I live alone–whenever my daughter and grandchildren are not here—or one of the kids has not moved back home for a spell—and, I find I also have been over-sharing at times because of my loneliness—and, then I return home to my isolation and wonder WHY no one calls…what is wrong with me? I think there is a hesitancy on the part of many people NOT to get involved with others…there is a certain standoffishness in our society. When I returned from teaching out in the bush in Kenya (I was there for about two and a half years)– it was MORE difficult for me to adjust to Americans than it was to be with the people of Africa. The reason: there is an overabundance of pretension in the USA…in Africa, people were people…we met as humans…here it is how much you have and how much you have. We fall into the same expression quickly–hence your need to speak about your son’s college–there was NOTHING wrong with that by the way!—WHY was that statement any different than the one you initiated the conversation with about both being from Michigan? You are too hard on yourself–they told you where their son was attending college. I came from a family of eleven children–four of my siblings and my parents are now in another realm of being—-those of us who remain—it is painful to me—-they will not come to my home for dinner because my house is too small…but what is the real reason??? One said, “You think you know it all!” That baffled me! And I realized, they do NOT know me at all! Every day I feel I know less and less. And I am seriously wondering WHY I thought it was so important to BECOME someone…now I just want to BE! You can delete this posting, and I will not be offended—-it is a bit much what I wrote. Blessings on your day and thank YOU for your visits to my blog ! YOUR LIKES really DO encourage me more than you know!

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  2. I so appreciate you taking the time to write this! Yes, yes it makes total sense to me. I had to smile when you said some of your siblings won’t come to your house for dinner because “you think you know it all” . . . oh my, have I heard those words from some in my family too. I have concluded it comes from their fear as well. Your words comfort me and give me strength, thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts. I do want to be mindful and listen more, or as much, as I talk, and yes I want to share too especially about my child. Thank you my dear for your reassuring words, what a gift you have given today!

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  3. clarabetty says:

    Thank you for sharing this post-it resonated with me on many levels. I too over share when I have been alone too much and my family have called me “a know it all” -I think that is because we, you and me and Jane (HI-Jane) do know a lot because we take the time and effort to inform ourselves. We like to learn and keep up with things and help (or teach) others. Other people don’t take the time or effort to inform themselves and then, I believe, are jealous of those who do. We were born like this and should not feel guilty unless we monopolize the conversation. I am also a good listener and you probably are too. I agree with Jane, don’t be too hard on yourself. Keep posting and thank you for checking out my blog.

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  4. Thanks for your support!

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