On a walk with my sweet dog this first chilly overcast fall morning, I came across some people walking their dog. Of course, our dogs wanted to meet and greet one another and they did. As they were having their dog speak, we humans began to talk. I noticed the man wore a Michigan sweatshirt (as in the university), and so I asked if he was a fan. He said he was, that in fact he was from there. I said, so am I! I then went on to babble that my son was accepted there and accepted them as well, but later changed his mind. He said he had two nephews who were at Michigan right now. I told him how my family was disappointed he did not attend, but that when we put it to paper it was expensive, as in around $200,000 for out-of-state tuition, and so he went to Minnesota instead, to which the guy said good school. I responded by saying he is in the Carlson School of Management. Really and honestly, I said these things. As soon as they left, (the man and his quiet wife . . .who could talk around me) I thought to myself who cares where your son is going to school, and even further why did you have to add he is at Carlson, who honestly cares! It was if I had to prove that my son and therefore I were not total failures in life, not going to Michigan apparently being equated with being a failure, and that while he was at the lesser academically ranked school, Minnesota, he was in Carlson, a darn good business school. Why did I feel the need to say these things? Why am I still focusing on them is a better question? I am working to become more enlightened, to listen and to not always talk, certainly not to over share. This is difficult for me as I live alone; I have only my dog to hear me. It is getting dangerous when I am finding total strangers to blurt out my story to while standing on the street with dogs sniffing one another. What has gone wrong with my mind! This is the story of my life, over and over again. I share too much, no one really cares and I ultimately get hurt. I know better. I have read a hundred or more self-help books, undergone counseling, psychotherapy, past life regression, crystal healing, massage, cranial sacral therapy, and on and on. What for the life of me causes me to be so careless with my words? I think it is called the human condition! I will once again brush myself off, forgive myself my trespasses as I forgive others (wonderful words in the Lord’s Prayer) and start again right where I stand. The next time I meet someone I will attempt to ask more, listen more and only share when asked, not be the dreaded over sharer everyone runs from. These are the things that have gotten me mixed up with people who do not care about my feelings, mixed up with self-fulfilling narcissists and more. I will hold my voice and listen so that I might hear the Earth better no matter where I am standing be it a busy street with dogs sniffing butts or in a tranquil meadow. It is up to me, it is my divine free will to be able to hold space and to listen. Do any of you have these same issues creep up, be it over sharing or perhaps not speaking at all? I hope I have made you laugh today if nothing else. These are the places my mind goes, from the sublime to the absurd. Namaste.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein