When you are grieving, or sitting Shiva, you are somewhat of a novelty to others. Because of this, people often do not know how to deal with the situation and attach their own ego wanting to tell others they are acquainted with you, they came to your home, they sat with you, brought you food, etc. during the initial grieving period. Some will not be able to handle being anywhere near you, again do to their own egos, and they will stay far away. None of this has anything to do with your experience; however, it quickly becomes your experience as you are suffering. Your own ego will unleash a rash of unwanted feelings as well. You might find yourself angry with those who did not show up, or angry with those who did for trying to make it about them instead of you. It is exhausting work sitting with grief.
The point is, you should sit with your grief. Simply sit with it, don’t attempt to be anything to anyone, listen to the rhythm of your soul. When you have children who are also suffering from a loss, this is often difficult to do, or you might have a mate who is suffering, and you could find you want to reach out to them and assist or share your grief with them. If so, attempt to come from as much of a real and raw place as conceivable. In fact, if possible let go of ego and be honest and real with everyone around you as to how you are feeling. If you want to cry, do so, if you want to scream, do so. You get the point! Our western culture has dictated how we should conduct ourselves while we sit with our grief, and usually it does not work for the one sitting in grief.
Let it come in, sit with it, feel it to the fullest and do what works for you. It affects us each differently and it is important to remember just that, no judgment. Personally, I wish I had gotten down on the floor and screamed and pounded my fists like my child. However, after all this time I find I am still sitting with my grief and each day is an opportunity to begin again to listen to the rhythms of my soul. I have also come to realize that there were many who silently came to bestow compassion upon me (bless them), some who came claiming their own rewards, some who could not come at all, and that it is all okay. It is life, our cyclical existence of evolving and none are on the same path and it is beautiful just as it unfolds. Most importantly remember, especially while sitting in grief, to love and honor self.
When we come into the present, we begin to feel the life around us again, but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding. We must have the courage to face whatever is present / our pain, our desires, our grief, our loss, our secret hopes our love / everything that moves us most deeply.”