Words, they are very powerful tools in our toolbox and we should pause and breathe before we utter or write them. Take for example the statement, “I lost my husband in 2004 due to an aortic dissection.” Did I really lose him, did he wonder off like my debit cards, car keys, various odds and ends that I am always loosing? Where is he? Will I find him somewhere with all my other lost items? By shifting our word choice we have the power to shift our grieving process. No, I did not lose him at the hospital. His soul went over to the other side. What the other side is, I do not know for certain. We all have our own personal beliefs as to what happens in death. However, for me personally, I believe in God, I believe in energy, and human beings are energy, so their light cannot be extinguished. I smell him oftentimes in our home, along with his father, and there are many instances in our family when we all feel him. Just the other day his oldest son was in the middle of something, saw an ad for a concert, was drawn to read about it and when doing so found that the very next evening a concert would be held by one of his father’s favorite singers. While his schedule was full, he cleared his calendar and purchased two tickets and took his wife to go see the concert. Meanwhile, my son and my husband’s youngest son are converging this weekend at his grave site to pay him a visit, and my son is also going to attend a home game of his father’s favorite football team. These are all messages they received from their father, asking them to be joyful. Yes, we are all sad he is no longer with us in the flesh, but he is with us everyday and with time we are all learning to listen and observe his messages. We can all do that by paying attention to our words, by maintaining silence a little more and by not making statements like “I lost my husband.” I didn’t lose him anywhere, he is with all of us each and everyday. This simple shift in words allows for my heart to be open to more joy and love. After all, that is exactly what he would want, much more joy and laughter for he had the most infectious laughter! Think about your words, no one you have ever loved and has died is lost, they know exactly where they are, it is us the ones left behind on this side who get lost in the grieving process.
“Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere – on water and land.”
~Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass