After the loss of a mate, many are uncomfortable with the idea of loving again. There are so many questions and emotions that a survivor experiences, including guilt, as to dating after a loss. People will offer up all types of advice, like wait a year before you do anything and let things settle, to statements like you will never be able to love another! It is important to remember that people are sincerely trying to be helpful. However, only you will know when the time is right to enter into another relationship.
Personally, I felt like I could not date after the loss of my spouse. The most important thing I felt called to do was to dedicate my time to my son. This response, or the one of feeling like you cannot do it all on your own are both very common. Believe me there have been many days when I have broken down from the stress of doing it all alone and wished I had a partner to help me maintain some balance. Balance is always something I am striving for in life, and it is my belief that we should all be working toward balance in all we do.
Closing your heart off after the loss of a partner is a fairly typical response and we need to be careful here for this is where we can become hardened to life. It is important to keep an open heart, to think more with the heart than the head in order to achieve balance. Again, this is a place where I have gotten stuck. I have closed my heart off so much from the pain of it all that I have often been stuck thinking only with my head, and that is dangerous place to exist! Thinking from the head only can lead to making one hard. Again, balance is key.
We can practice all the spiritual rites and rituals, be the best parent, work tirelessly at our jobs and it doesn’t mean a thing if we don’t have Love in our hearts. It is in our being that we find our purpose and ourselves. All to often lately I am experiencing people living their grief with a closed heart, myself included in this process. Consider opening up your heart and letting love in, from family, friends, and possibly another relationship if it feels right. Do not limit yourself, but rather allow yourself to spontaneously celebrate love in all its glorious aspects. Set an intention and affirm that it is safe to love and be loved.
If you are waiting for anything in order to live and love without holding back, then you suffer. Every moment is the most important moment of your life. No future time is better than now to let down your guard and love.
~ David Deida