Reflecting on the moment, feeling gratitude for all that is. Life has been full of opportunities to grow, which translates into the simple fact that there were challenges. Oftentimes when sitting in the muck of the moment, it can seem overwhelming, like one is drowning and can do nothing to stop it. Truth is that we must sit in the darkness to be able to recognize the light. Why? Well, that is an answer I simply do not know. There are many depths of loss and sorrow, but sooner or later we will all know them to some extent. People may think it strange to hear me say I am grateful for my losses. Yes, grateful for they have birthed a new me. One that is stronger, healthier, more grounded and less judgmental. To me those are wonderful gifts to have received in life. Would I have preferred the gifts without the losses, of course, but I am not so certain that is how it works, at least not for me.
On this blustery autumn day when the beautiful golden leaves are being torn from their tenuous hold of the sturdy trees, I am left with the remembrance of a similar day when I walked trance like out of the hospital without my husband, alone to face the new world that was mine to create on a rather raw pallet. This was not a place of comfort or warmth, it was wickedly surreal and yet odd for time seemed to have stopped, perhaps it stopped when his heart ceased to beat any longer. Yet, there I was walking out into the sun-streaked canvas of the world, blinded by my new realty.
Some 11 years later I can say without hesitation that I like this new me far better than the one walking out of that hospital. She is stronger, braver, more courageous and wealthy in terms of her spiritual growth. Life has certainly not been easy in many ways since that day, but I stand in grace to be able to recognize all the magnificent gifts I have been given from special friends, my son, my dog, my family and the universal connection of love. Thank you is all I can say. Thank you for the grace and the opportunity to have experienced love and loss.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson